Delay

I realize that I haven't been posting very much lately. I'm not sure why this is. But a lot of things have been going on with me; some good, others... Not so much. And I'm sad to say that a lot of those things fall in that second column.
Unfortunately, I feel a friendship drifting away. It's sad for me when that happens, because I value my friendships deeply and take them seriously, which I hope all of my friends know. Once you're my friend, there's not much that will get you off that list, and it's hard for me to see you drift away. But maybe, for reasons I don't know, you're doing that on purpose. It used to be that you told me everything, yet now it's hardly anything. But it's like I said; I'm sure you have your reasons that maybe you don't even know yourself.
So while there are sad things in my life, my summer has recently begun and I plan to make the most of it. I'm going to live it up, doing what I can to live free and easy, even though it's often impossible in my life. I'm going to do some things I normally wouldn't and try some things I normally wouldn't. Because life is short, and you only get a few teenage summers. And I don't know about you, but I plan to enjoy mine. (:

Hurt

I'm always hurting someone. It's like I can't even turn around without doing it. It's never on purpose. But it always happens. Sometimes I see it coming, but there's nothing I can do to avoid it. Sometimes, maybe there is something I can do to avoid it but at the cost of what? My own happiness? Ugh, I sound completely self-absorbed and selfish. Looking back, I know I should have handled things differently. People say, "Oh you're young. You make mistakes. You'll bounce back. Just say you're sorry." But what if that person doesn't want to hear 'sorry?' What if that person is angry and hurt and has every right to be? Fact of the matter is, I'm young and stupid. Things like time and distance are difficult for me. I'm scared. It's so hard for me to trust thanks to people who have hurt me beyond repair. Therefore, I end up trusting the wrong ones and getting myself hurt, then not trusting the right ones and hurting them. And there is no excuse. I'm the one to blame. It's like I can never get anything right. I feel like my life is just one big mistake, and trust me, I have every reason in the world to feel that way. You may call it overreacting and wallowing in pity like a typical teenage girl, but I call it continuously screwing up until it becomes a pattern. I thought I'd done something right for once. But I thought wrong. Shocker there.