Thoughts on...

Law && morality.
They should be similes.
&& in some cases, they are.
Yet increasingly often, they're not.
Why is this?
I strive to comprehend.
Why can't those who rule over us follow their consciences && do what's right?
&& why can't we as the people in a democracy make a stand for what is right?
Just take a look at our generation.
Full of lazy, unambitious, apathetic people.
&& it's those of us that are going to work hard to make something of ourselves that will suffer.
For we are going to have to support those who can't be bothered to support themselves.
Those who are so ignorant that they think they deserve to be supported.
Why must we put up with it?
They shouldn't be able to put us through that injustice.
Law && morality.
It saddens me more each day how those things just don't mix anymore in our society.

From Deep Within...

So I've decided to take some risks and maybe post a few things that are from a bit deeper within me that I have been posting. So please don't be too harsh. (:
This is something I wrote a while ago. But can still be true on occasion. Here it goes:

When you asked me if I was okay and I said no
I didn't really mean it
I knew you didn't believe it
I felt your hurt
Hoped you felt mine
You are the reason
The reason I'm so hurt
So confused and betrayed
So broken and afraid

I've fallen into pieces right in front of your eyes
Yet you didn't see it
It was your hand that took my heart and broke it beyond all repair yet you didn't feel it

Now I can feel nothing
Nothing but pain
Now I can see nothing
Nothing but darkness
We were so close
But now so far
I've put a canyon between us
So you can't break me again

Today you didn't bother
Asking if I was okay
I guess it doesn't matter
Things will never be the same.

Laughter

I love to laugh.
To feel happiness bubbling up inside tho the point that I can't contain it && it overflows.
That's what genuine laughter is.
Overflowing happiness.
I laugh all the time.
Does that mean I'm always happy?
No, for I have plenty of sadness in my life.
It just means that I am able to push that sadness aside && look at the good in life.
&& laugh.
Always laugh.
Because what's life if you can't have fun?
So do it.
Make me laugh.
Make my day.

Time

It's a curious thing.
It moves so slowly,
Yet so quickly.
If you look at the small picture,
Such as a week,
It seems so slow.
But if you look at the big picture,
A year or a semester,
Time has flown by.
It's the same with change.
When you look at the day to day,
Everything seems the same for the most part,
While when you look further back,
The differences will make you marvel.
I guess it works kinda like life.
You have to look at the big picture to better see how things work.

Thinking about a lot of things, such as...

Peace.
Everyone wants it, but few actually have it.
Why is that?
Maybe we're looking in the wrong places.
Instead of looking to the source, some look to the future. && how is worrying about the future going to give you peace?
Some look in the past. But when you do that, you will look on mistakes && things you should have done differently && wistfulness is hardly peace.
Others still obsess about the new. But if you worry TOO much about getting everything done in this life, that won't bring peace.
Sure, seize every opportunity to live, but don't get so wrapped up in trying to live to the fullest that you actually miss out on life and the simple joys it brings.
Peace.
Everyone wants it, but few actually have it.

Bipolar

That's kind of how I feel right now. On the one hand, I'm so extremely happy because some things are just going so right in my life and I love it. I just heard the sound of my little brother's laughter as I was writing this, and the sound made me smile. Sometimes you just love the sound of other people's laughter.
On the other hand, I'm sad and a little remorseful. A friendship that means a lot to me seems to be fading away. And for someone who values their friendships like I do, that's a sad thing. Also, I'm in a situation that I know is going to end badly, but I can't stop myself from getting into. Or maybe I could, but I just don't want to. Because maybe that would hurt even more than the situation ending badly. Either way, it's getting to the point where it's too late to back out.
And finally, on a completely different topic, curiosity. I am so curious. It gets me in trouble quite often, and I have a feeling that it will be getting me in trouble again in the near future. Because I wonder what if. I'm sure others may not complain, but it's not always a good thing. I'm not talking dirty or anything like that, don't worry. Just a child-like curiosity at the what-ifs of life. And the curiosity burns inside me. But I know I shouldn't find out. Because when one thing leads to the other...

Depth Perception

Ever known that someone cares about you, but wondered how much? I have. I mean, you know that person cares, and you know how much you care about them, but sometimes, that just isn't enough. Sometimes you wanna know how much. And not just in words. In actions. And maybe, you know that they care, but not in what way. And you would give aynthing just to figure it out.
I guess I don't have a whole lot to say about this, except that everyone's been in this situation before, so I'm sure you know what it's like.

Confusion

Wow. I have so much going through my head right now that I think it might just explode. I don't even know how to begin processing it.
Why does it always seem that what you want is just out of your reach? And that if it were just a little bit closer and within reach, your life would be SO much simpler. I think that everyone can relate to me here.
But the complicated thing is that I have other options. And those options would make other people happy. The question is, would they make me happy? I suppose that if what I wanted wasn't dangling there, just out of reach, then one of those options would be fine. But it's not. And the other options just don't seem as good, even though they should be. Who knows? I could even possibly be happy if I chose another option. But do I want to try? Because things seem to be getting better and less out of reach. Ah, I'm just confusing myself now, so I know I must be confusing anyone that might be reading this. Okay, let me try to simplify.
I know what I want. But I don't know if what I want is within reach or at all possible.
And there are other options. But they're not what I want, although one option seems like it could be.
So basically, I'm driving myself crazy inside my own head.
Make sense?
I didn't think so either.

A Smile

You never know what could it could mean.
You never know what could be hiding behind it.
It could be as simple as someone smiling at the person behind the counter checking out their groceries.
It could be as simple as someone trying to cover up the fact that they're carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders.
It's kind of become an expected thing, though. It's just like when you ask someone how they're doing, expecting the answer "fine," even though they may now be. And you don't want to see someone crying, because then you would have to care, and that would mean listening to their problems. But if you really care about someone, and you can look beyond the smile and see some of the weight of the world in their eyes, ask how they're doing and when they reply, "fine," ask how they're really doing. And listen. They may not wanna talk about it and that's fine. But they may want to talk about and just not know how. Some people know nothing but bottling their feelings in, because no one has cared enough to really ask how they're doing. So care. Ask. Listen, even when it's hard for them to talk.
So I know that this may not have made much sense to you. There wasn't much of a flow to it, but then again there's not always a flow to my thoughts. And these are the thoughts of a teenage gypsy state of mind.

13 Years Ago Today...

My baby brother was born.
13 years. Whoa. When did that happen?
13 years of trial and error.
13 years of anger and love.
13 years of fights and good times.
I don't know what to say. I don't think that any blog post can sum up 13 years with one of my best friends. Sure, about 50-75% of the time, we wanna kill each other, but the rest of the time, he gets me like no one else. He's been places I've been. He's seen things I've seen. He understands things no one else in this world could understand. The hurt. The sorrow. The love. The jokes. The secrets. the crazy parents. He's been by my side through it all. And I know that no matter what, no matter how huge the fight, no matter how nasty the words, he's still gonna be there to the very end. Because he's my brother. And I wouldn't change him for anyone in the world. He's probably not gonna see this, but I want him to know that I love him and that no matter what he does, no matter what trouble he's in, or no matter how bad he's hurt, I'll always be here for him. (:

Lately My Thoughts Have Been On...

One Man.
No, this isn't about some guy that I'm head over heels for.
This is about more than "some guy."
One Man. Could one man come and save all of humanity? Could one man die a death painful and excrutiating enough that it would cover every wrong that mankind has done?
Think about it. Not only every wrong that I have done (and there are a LOT), inlcuding every terrible thing, every lie, every hateful thought or word that has come out of my mouth, but every wrong of humanity.
The Rawandan Genocide.
Dhofar/Sudan.
9/11.
Sex slaves.
Broken marraiges.
Abusive relationships.
VA Tech Shootings.
Desert Storm.
Every lie.
Every curse.
Every bad decision.
Of every human that ever lived/ever will live on this planet.
Would one man be willing to suffer all of that for humanity? For me? To be rejected by most, ridiculed by many, of simply thought of as a "good man?" Could one man?
I think of myself and how selfish and self-seeking I am. I would never be willing to go through that kind of death for other people, especially if I wasn't going to get some sort of amazing recognition beyond all belief.
Especially if I was merely going to be ridiculed by most.
And it's not like this death is anything you've ever imagined ( www.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crucifixion#Details I encourage you to look it up). It wasn't a quick and easy death. It was a slow, painful death. Imagine: Having a whip with broken pieces of glass being slashed into your back, over and over again. A crown of thorns pushed down into your head. Being spit on, laughed at probably kicked around, and publicly ridiculed. Having to carry a huge, wooden cross on your back for over a mile. Having nails driven into your hands and feet and being hung in a manner that eventually, after hours of torture, your lungs just exploded. I'm sure the splinters on the whole back side of your body would go completely unnoticed.
Would you do that for someone who would mess up time and time again? Someone who would scorn you, question you, and show utter ungratefullness to you? Well He did it for me. And I've done every one of those things to Him.
Talk about guilt. I can't even get my life together half of the time, when someone died a miserable, painful life just so I, little old I, didn't have to.
Talk about priority issues.
Okay, I'm done rambling. I've just had this on my mind lately and I'm going to leave you with one last thought.
If you could die in the place of someone who totally and completely deserved their death (think Hitler; Sadam Hussein) to give them a chance to get it right when chances are, they'd mess up more often than not, would you?
Could you?

So I've Been Thinking About...

Judgement.
It's kind of like advice.
So easy to give, yet so difficult to receive.
And I will admit, I've passed judgement on others far too many times.
But who am I to judge?
It's not my job.
I'm far from perfect.
So who am I to point out others' imperfections && tell them they're wrong when I have countless imperfections of my own?
&& I hate when others judge me.
Because, really, you have now idea where that person's been or what they've been through.
You don't know every little thing about their life && you never will.
They might have been through things you can't even imagine.
So think about this next time you're about to judge someone doing something you think is wrong or weird.
stop && think about your insecurities && whether or not you'd want someone to judge you based on those.

Just some more thoughts from my state of mind...