Self-Revelation #3

I Have horrible road rage.

I mean pretty much every time I drive, there's always some idiot cutting me off, going too slow, or generally just doing something obnoxious. And I am always ready to get on their case. I mean normally in life, I'm willing to extend grace to someone for making a mistake, especially if it's unintentional. But not on the road. I just have no patience whatsoever for people doing stupid stuff. Any ideas as to why this is?

Self-Revelation #2

My life has done a 180 in the past six months.

I still look in amazement at who I am now compared to the person I was from about three years ago up until about six months ago. Compared to the mess I was back then, I've got it together now (Which I know I don't. Just in comparison). Going from a girl who had no hopes of beating out the depression, anorexia, and many other problems, to a girl who recognizes that the problems are there, but can beat them and is in the process of doing so is amazing. It's like when your parents, teacher, etc tells you that you really can achieve anything, yet you don't believe them until you actually achieve something you thought was impossible. You feel on top of the world.

So my parting thought for today is actually a quote: "Something is only impossible until it's not."

Self Revelation #1

So this week, since I'm taking the week off of Facebook, I'm going to do a daily self revelation throughout the duration of the week.

Day one: I have a tendency to be an over-achiever. I mean, I make my self a daily agenda of what homework needs to be done, have a chart for something in my room that needs to be cleaned every day of the week, and can pretty much get nothing done unless it is perfectly organized. I guess that means I'm a bit of a perfectionist as well. I never want to settle for average. So my reflection/question from today's revelation is: Is this something that is good, bad, or a little of both?

Choices

There are so many choices in this life. An infinity of directions in which you may choose to pursue. And just one choice can change the path of your life completely. The people you meet. The job you have. Basically, your future. Your life. No pressure there or anything.

So am I crazy to think I may actually be figuring it out? Because if there's one thing I've learned to be a constant in life it's this: Things will never go as planned. Plans will change. People change. Life changes. In the blink of an eye. And that is one of the few things (I could probably count on one hand, it's that low of a number) that truly scares me in this world.

Do I dare plan? Do I dare dream?

Long Time, No Post

So, I know I only posted once over the summer. But now, summer is over and I'm going to make an effort to start up again.
My summer. It went by in the blink of an eye. But it was absolutely amazing. I got to be me and be me to the fullest. I got to love, be loved, travel, work with kids, sleep (quite a nice change for an insomniac), and feel something I haven't felt in a long time. Alive.
There are so many things I could focus on about the summer, but alas, the summer is over. The first week of school was pretty amazing, and my Theatre Arts 1 class gives me the same alive feeling, along with soccer. I haven't played in years, but these past few weeks have been rediscovering my love for the game.
I guess you could say that things have been going pretty amazing for me lately. Of course, there are other reasons for this, but it's not quite time to blog about that yet. Well, adios for now, whoever might come across this.

Delay

I realize that I haven't been posting very much lately. I'm not sure why this is. But a lot of things have been going on with me; some good, others... Not so much. And I'm sad to say that a lot of those things fall in that second column.
Unfortunately, I feel a friendship drifting away. It's sad for me when that happens, because I value my friendships deeply and take them seriously, which I hope all of my friends know. Once you're my friend, there's not much that will get you off that list, and it's hard for me to see you drift away. But maybe, for reasons I don't know, you're doing that on purpose. It used to be that you told me everything, yet now it's hardly anything. But it's like I said; I'm sure you have your reasons that maybe you don't even know yourself.
So while there are sad things in my life, my summer has recently begun and I plan to make the most of it. I'm going to live it up, doing what I can to live free and easy, even though it's often impossible in my life. I'm going to do some things I normally wouldn't and try some things I normally wouldn't. Because life is short, and you only get a few teenage summers. And I don't know about you, but I plan to enjoy mine. (:

Hurt

I'm always hurting someone. It's like I can't even turn around without doing it. It's never on purpose. But it always happens. Sometimes I see it coming, but there's nothing I can do to avoid it. Sometimes, maybe there is something I can do to avoid it but at the cost of what? My own happiness? Ugh, I sound completely self-absorbed and selfish. Looking back, I know I should have handled things differently. People say, "Oh you're young. You make mistakes. You'll bounce back. Just say you're sorry." But what if that person doesn't want to hear 'sorry?' What if that person is angry and hurt and has every right to be? Fact of the matter is, I'm young and stupid. Things like time and distance are difficult for me. I'm scared. It's so hard for me to trust thanks to people who have hurt me beyond repair. Therefore, I end up trusting the wrong ones and getting myself hurt, then not trusting the right ones and hurting them. And there is no excuse. I'm the one to blame. It's like I can never get anything right. I feel like my life is just one big mistake, and trust me, I have every reason in the world to feel that way. You may call it overreacting and wallowing in pity like a typical teenage girl, but I call it continuously screwing up until it becomes a pattern. I thought I'd done something right for once. But I thought wrong. Shocker there.