Words

Sometimes, something happens to you and you have so many feelings and emotions overwhelming you, yet somehow you have no words. You feel like there is so much that you could say, yet you don't know where or how to begin saying it. You feel powerless without the use of your words. And you feel even more powerless knowing that even if you could find the words to speak, it still wouldn't change your situation at all, no matter how much you wanted it to.

Train

These are just the lyrics to an adorable song that I love. It's called "Marry Me" by Train. If you haven't listened, listen!

Forever can never be long enough for me
Feel like I've had long enough with you
Forget the world now we won't let them see
But there's one thing left to do

Now that the weight has lifted
Love has surely shifted my way
Marry Me
Today and every day
Marry Me
If I ever get the nerve to say
Hello in this cafe
Say you will
Mm-hmm
Say you will
Mm-hmm

Together can never be close enough for me
Feel like I am close enough to you
You wear white and I'll wear out the words I love
And you're beautiful
Now that the wait is over
And love and has finally shown her my way
Marry me
Today and every day
Marry me
If I ever get the nerve to say hello in this cafe
Say you will
Mm-hmm
Say you will
Mm-hmm

Promise me
You'll always be
Happy by my side
I promise to
Sing to you
When all the music dies

And marry me
Today and everyday
Marry me
If I ever get the nerve to say hello in this cafe
Say you will
Mm-hmm
Say you will
Marry me
Mm-hmm

Summer

Late nights.
Beach days.
Tan lines.
Part-time jobs.
Carefree times.
Permanent weekend.
Good times had.
Memories Made.


Ready for summer '11. <3

What to do?

What do you say when you have no words? What do you feel when you have no emotion? How can you express what you cannot find? How can you find answers if you have no questions? Can you make sense when you have no point?

Love Gives Me Hope

Okay so today, my friend showed me this site: http://love.givesmehope.com It's so cute! Definitely a must-read. I've just started reading it, but one of my favorite posts so far is this:

In 6th grade, I had a crush on a 8th grader who didnt even know I was alive.

He moved away when I was in 7th grade.

On his Facebook page everyone was saying goodbye notes.

I wrote Bye Max.

I was in the library in 10th grade and I felt a poke on my shoulder, looked up and heard someone say I'm back.

We got married last month. Little notes GMH.

Like I said, must read. Gotta love those mushy-gushy feelings(:

Encouragement?

This weekend, I got majorly encouraged.

I got the opportunity to go with some of my youth group to WinterJam- a concert of a bunch of Christian bands. At first, I wasn't super into it. I was tired and kind of had a headache. But then, we had a speaker who was phenomenal. He shared his story of abandonment, of heartache, and something everyone can relate to: pain. It was very moving. Then he shared about one simple word that is very difficult for many of us. Forgiveness. This is when everything started hitting home for me. I realized that although I've tried to forgive, I haven't. I've held onto bitterness in my heart. But the song that really brought it home to me was Chris August's song 7 times 70. Here's the link to listen to it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ITh9IH1p-ME By the end of this song, I was in tears. I knew that I had to forgive.

So here's the start of my journey to forgive. And more importantly, my journey of needing to be forgiven. Will you join me?

Where you at?

"I'm about to lose my mind/ You've been gone for so long/ I'm running out of time/ I need a doctor/ Call me a doctor/ I need a doctor, doctor/ To bring me back to life."

Distance makes the heart grow fonder?
No, distance makes the heart grow colder.
Nobody wants to be far from those they love.
To feel stranded and left alone.
So I'm supposed to believe I'm never alone?
Such a difficult thing to do, yet it's gotten me this far.

...So why should I think that this time will be any different?

Colder Weather

"Said I wanna see you again/ But I'm stuck in colder weather/ Maybe tomorrow will be better/ Can I call you then?"

Colder weather sucks. Just saying. Not only does it mean your buns are freezing pretty much non-stop, but it generally also means you're up north. The land of the mis-pronounced "r." The land of being inside 24/7 because it's too cold to make the venture out. The place of "pop" instead of soda. Where trucks go unappreciated and country music is frowned upon. Now why would I want to go there? Yeah, I was wondering the same thing.

Turmoil

Strife.

Conflict.

Death.

Killing.

Pain.

Live. Spell it backwards.

You cannot live without evil infiltrating your world.

Oman.

My home.

The mountains.

The dessert.

The ocean.

Sunsets that belong on a canvas.

People so hospitable you were put to shame.

But now this? I never even would've imagined. The peaceful world I knew has now become a part of the mass. The riots, the protests, the killing. But why? This isn't the Oman that I know. The Oman that I knew loved its Sultan. The Oman that I knew prided itself on their peace. So why has this happened? The answer remains elusive to me...

عمان نبض واحد؟

Life

Morality: conformity to the rules of right conduct; moral or virtuous conduct.

Immorality: immoral quality, character, or conduct; wickedness; evilness.

Which one will you chose?

Combustion

We’re like fire and gasoline. I’m no good for you. You’re no good for me. You think you’re in love with me, but really just the thought of me. You’re innocent, but wish so strongly that you weren’t. I’m jaded, but wish so strongly that I wasn’t. Therefore, we’re both living masquerades. Dancing the tango to a completely different tune. Walking in sync on a totally opposite paths. Living lies in two alternate atmospheres. Don’t you see? Our similarities are what separate us. What would be the death of us. I’m the fire. You’re the gasoline. Together we would be one spontaneous, disastrous, beautiful catastrophe. It would merely be two lost souls, slow dancing in a burning room. So please, please love me but don’t fall in love with me. Care for me but not about me. Be for me but not with me. Help me but don’t hold me. And most importantly, see me, but don’t see through me.

Who Knows?

We wanna believe in something,
Even if that somethings nothing.

For we have nothing,
If not belief.

And if we have nothing,
Then we are nothing.

If we are nothing,
Then why are we here?

When we no longer know why,
Then we begin the search.

The search for something to believe in,
for something bigger than us.

If the something is nothing,
Is nothing bigger than us?

Is this pure genius,
Or sheer madness?

Love?

Love is a commitment, not a feeling. Love is sticking with someone even when you don't want to be in the same room as them. Love is putting someone else's wants and needs before your own, even when it is highly inconvenient for you. Love is more than a kiss. Love is a lifetime of working to be everything for that person. Love is one word that takes your entire life to prove. Love is "for better or for worse." Love is "till death do we part." Love is sacrifice. Love is what all search for, but many never truly find. Love is sharing the covers. Love is watching "Gladiator" instead of "Legally Blonde." Love is eating pizza instead of Mexican.
Love is the little things.
Love is the big things.

Love is forever.

I want to stay.

Silver Lining

So I realize that lately my posts have come from a pretty dark place. And sure, my life hasn't exactly been rainbows and butterflies lately, but I do have a lot to be thankful for.

Have you ever had somebody who can just make you smile no matter what?
Someone you can't stay mad at no matter how hard you try?
A person who can take your saddest days and make them amazing?
Somebody you can count on no matter what?
The person who you can fight with about the stupidest stuff, but it doesn't matter because you know that in the end, you'll work things out?

Someone who you know that if you lost, part of you would be lost with them?

Because if so, I can relate to you.

Doing this for me

I always do what is expected of me.
I help people.
I please people.
I do everything I can to protect those around me.
But somewhere along the line, I stopped protecting me.

I want to get out.
After being accused of being selfish and uncaring from the very person who I tried most to protect, the person who left emotional wounds beyond repair, I want to leave.
I should leave.
I must leave.

But I want to stay.
Contradictory, I know. But when that very person whom you love is someone who you can't possibly stop loving, you don't want to leave.
I shouldn't leave.
I can't leave.

I am forever a conundrum.

Goodbye

Goodbyes are a tricky yet inevitable thing.
You aren't always given a choice of when you get to say goodbye, but there is sometimes a window of opportunity in which you are given the ability to choose whom you are going to say goodbye to. However, this doesn't always make it easier.
What do you do when the severity of either goodbye would be enough to crush you?
What do you do when your heart is tied so closely to each end that with each bit you unravel it, the further you prevent its beating?
How do you respond when either choice you make depicts you as a traitor to the other side?
Am I to be like Solomon in a sense and offer to split myself in half to see by whom I am more loved?
But what if this feat would be pointless, as I know both would be willing to sacrifice?
So the question seems to remain: Which sacrifice am I more willing to make?